SCHMALFELDT’S SATYRICON: Stay Calm! Do Not Evacuate Dallas! Everything Will Be Fine!

Posted by | October 1, 2014 01:10 | Filed under: Bill Schmalfeldt Opinion Politics Top Stories

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Oh, this is wonderful. Some poor bastard is feeling just fine when he gets on the plane in Liberia on the 19th, lands in the US (I guess, Dallas)

on the 20th, starts feeling ill on the 24th, seeks care on the 26th, and is thrown into isolation on the 28th.

Now. think about your normal day. How many people do you come into contact with on any given day? So, if you live a normal life, think of all the people you could have infected by walking around leaking Ebola viruses all over the place on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

Now, think of the job facing health officials. Everyone this person came in contact with, all the people THOSE people came in contact with. All the people THEY came in contact with.

But don’t worry. Stay where you are, especially if you’re in Dallas. Do not leave Dallas. For God’s sake, do NOT leave Dallas!

Do not panic. Panic is a killer. The director of the CDC is sure they will be able to nip this in the bud before we are all lying in the streets, leaking our vital fluids into the gutters where they will be swept into the public drinking water.

And this is just one guy who came here from Liberia to visit family living in the States. There probably are NOT other people traveling here from West Africa who haven’t started showing symptoms yet, landing RIGHT NOW at airports around the nation.

If you feel like hugging your loved ones and saying “goodbye,” that is your right. But it is not necessary. Sweet Jesus. IT IS NOT NECESSARY. Not just yet.

Unless… God… have you ever read Stephen King’s “The Stand”?

If you haven’t, don’t. If you have, try not to think about the poem, “The Second Coming” by William Butler Yeats.

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
DO NOT READ YEATS!
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
Dallas. Not Bethlehem. Dallas.

We are not doomed. Repeat.

We. Are. NOT. DOOOOOOOMED!!!

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Copyright 2014 Liberaland
By: Bill Schmalfeldt

I no longer use Twitter or Facebook because they are evil. I do continue to blog at http://Schmalfeldt.org, where you can get information about other stuff I do, like comedy/parody CDs and MP3 downloads and audiobooks and such. Get yours now. When I'm dead, there will be a drastic price increase.

14 responses to SCHMALFELDT’S SATYRICON: Stay Calm! Do Not Evacuate Dallas! Everything Will Be Fine!

  1. tiredoftea October 1st, 2014 at 01:24

    “…if you live a normal life, think of all the people you could have infected by walking around leaking Ebola viruses all over the place on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.” Yeah, calm down. Ebola doesn’t become infectious until after an infected person presents with symptoms. And then, someone must come into contact with the infested person’s blood, saliva, mucus, etc., etc., but you just go ahead and channel your local Fraud Spews station because they need all the help they can get.

  2. tiredoftea October 1st, 2014 at 01:24

    “…if you live a normal life, think of all the people you could have infected by walking around leaking Ebola viruses all over the place on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.” Yeah, calm down. Ebola doesn’t become infectious until after an infected person presents with symptoms. And then, someone must come into contact with the infested person’s blood, saliva, mucus, etc., etc., but you just go ahead and channel your local Fraud Spews station because they need all the help they can get.

  3. Larry Schmitt October 1st, 2014 at 06:23

    This is what some fool at Market Watch posted: “ONE thing you need to know about the Ebola virus: I wouldn’t put it past Ob*ma to be bringing the infection to the USA deliberately in order to create chaos out of which he can declare Martial Law by 2016 and cancel the elections.”
    I don’t think he’s kidding.

    • fahvel October 1st, 2014 at 10:11

      you have some very very strange people in the usa. I used to think we were odd balls but the usa is far and above the winner in the racist sicko category.

    • tracey marie October 1st, 2014 at 15:55

      Brietbart, infowars, WND, fox slop, stormfront are all babbling the same thing. The meme went out

    • Haradanohime October 2nd, 2014 at 19:06

      They said the same thing about him declaring martial law before the last election.

  4. Larry Schmitt October 1st, 2014 at 06:23

    This is what some fool at Market Watch posted: “ONE thing you need to know about the Ebola virus: I wouldn’t put it past Ob*ma to be bringing the infection to the USA deliberately in order to create chaos out of which he can declare Martial Law by 2016 and cancel the elections.”
    I don’t think he’s kidding.

    • fahvel October 1st, 2014 at 10:11

      you have some very very strange people in the usa. I used to think we were odd balls but the usa is far and above the winner in the racist sicko category.

    • tracey marie October 1st, 2014 at 15:55

      Brietbart, infowars, WND, fox slop, stormfront are all babbling the same thing. The meme went out

    • Haradanohime October 2nd, 2014 at 19:06

      They said the same thing about him declaring martial law before the last election.

  5. William October 1st, 2014 at 09:21

    Coincidence? ….I think not.

  6. William October 1st, 2014 at 09:21

    Coincidence? ….I think not.

  7. Skydog2 October 1st, 2014 at 10:33

    Chris Matthews discussing ebola on MSNBC: “the president said it was unlikely two weeks ago. Well, it’s not the unlikely, it has happened. It’s here.”

  8. Skydog2 October 1st, 2014 at 10:33

    Chris Matthews discussing ebola on MSNBC: “the president said it was unlikely two weeks ago. Well, it’s not the unlikely, it has happened. It’s here.”

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