SCHMALFELDT’S SATYRICON: Once-Mighty Empire In Shock As Princess Reveals Presence Of ‘Living Being’ In One Of Her Internal Organs

“Oh, Crikey! It’s happening again,” the Lord Chamberlain Minister of the British Royal Sanctuary said today as it was revealed that Kate Middleton, who still is known by her maiden name from when she was a maiden (as certified by royal medical staff) before marrying one or another of the future Kings of England has yet another living creature taking form in one of her internal organs.

“This is not the first time it’s happened,” Lord Eggsworth Puddingbottom said, dabbing tears of concern from the corners of his eyes with a delicate lace, embroidered handkerchief. “It wasn’t that long ago when the Dutchess (as we call her) suffered through another such incident. Thankfully, her body eventually rejected and expulsed the being, whereupon it was declared third in line to be our Sovereign Ruler and Protector of the Commonwealth.”

Early reports say the presence is attached to the sensitive linings of “the Dutchesses” uterus, known more widely among the Brits as the “woo woo”. Ultrasound photographs indicate the being is already taking humanoid shape.

(Artist Representation of Being Developing in the Royal Woo Woo)

In the artist representation, which was drawn by Royal Cartoonist Wilmer Higglepiggle based on descriptions of people who were told what was seen by doctors and scientists summoned from across the Kingdom to monitor this development, one can clearly make out a head, a tail, and what looks to be a word balloon of some sort, as if the creature growing inside the Dutchess was complaining about something.

Knowing the Royal House of Windsor to be shy in discussing such matters, we have commissioned this drawing from our affiliate at a website called “babycenter.in” to see if we can come up with a more clear picture of what is happening inside the “woo woo” of the Dutchess at this moment.

As one can see, at some point in its development, the creature will form a giant, transparent ball on the outer wall of the next Queen of England’s abdomen, through which the being will grow and develop and, if things go like they did last time, eventually be expelled from her body through a special “lady part” that only women have, to which most men are not privvy.  Pictures taken of the Dutchess last time this happened were always taken while she was fully dressed, so this is as good of a representation as we can come up with. The workings of the female “lady parts” remain a mystery.

We are told by Royal Gossips that the being will feast on nutrients in the Dutchesses’ blood until it is expelled.

No word on how this development may affect the upcoming vote in Scotland. Will this horror cause the Scots to wish to break ties and flee a nation where such things happen with such alarming regularity?

Our prayers are with the future King, his son, the future King, and his son, the Future King as this developing story unfolds.

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