I’ll Be On Red Eye Tonight Discussing These Fine Stories

Greg Gutfeld and his merry band of pranksters are seen on FNC at 3AM ET.  Among tonight’s stories:

Obama is graying just six weeks into the job.

“The gray, it’s not a whole lot, but he has a few strands,” explained Zariff, the president’s Chicago barber for 17 years, who goes by a single name. “It’s quite normal for his age group.”

Wacko Jacko is backo.  Michael Jackson announced his “final curtain call” will be this summer in London. Farewell tours sell more tickets than tours that aren’t final.  Jackson could haul in between $10 million and $200 million.  Jackon’s official and exclusive spokesperson is someone named “Dr. Tohme Tohme.”  Quaint.  And Jackson is reportedly doing this for his kids so they’ll understand what he once did for a living.

The economy is down, but business is booming at “breastaurants.”  It’s not just Hooters anymore.  Now there are places like “Bone Daddy’s” and “Twin Peaks.”

One customer, Wes Williams, said he doesn’t feel like a sexist pig because he patronizes Hooters.

“A pig, yes,” he said. “But not sexist.”

The fun part is convincing your wife you’re there for the food.

“The food’s got to be good to justify coming … because the first thing your wife or girlfriend will ask you is, ‘Are you just there for the girls?'” said another male customer. “No, it’s the food. Why don’t you go too?”

And, a female Chinese athlete threw her dozens of medals away when she found out she’s a man.  Xiao Nan had a check-up at a local hospital and they discovered male chromosomes.  Nan always felt like a man and is attracted to women, and so was suspicious to begin with.

By: Alan

Alan Colmes is the publisher of Liberaland.