Glantz: Daters Should Have ‘Exit Interviews’

Posted March 16, 2014 16:58 by Alan

If you aren’t going to see each other again, how about each side communicates what happened.

Jen Glantz’s Dating Exit Interview

Name (*required): _________________________

Length of time “dating” Jen Glantz: _________________________

Reason for leaving:

Lack of interest: She talked about three P’s I couldn’t care less about: poetry, pizza and punctuation.

Better opportunity: I’m not ready to kick my Tinder addiction. I even tried to swipe right at a girl I met, in person, last night at a bar.

Relocation: She says she’s from Florida like it’s some place special. Would I ever consider moving there? I don’t know. Maybe when I’m 65 and my only handicap isn’t on the golf course.

Better compensation (salary/benefits): She’s a writer. I’m looking for a sugar momma or a stay-at-home momma. Not someone who has a work to-do list that resembles some people’s Costco grocery list.

Lack of advancement: She didn’t have any “game” and didn’t lend me any flirtatious gestures. When I went in for a kiss, she turned her head and for two seconds, my tongue got real intimate with her cochlea.

Lack of training and development: If dating was a course in school and it was pass/fail, Jen would fail.

Working conditions: There might have been a stain on her silk gray blouse. There certainly was lipstick on her teeth for a good 45 minutes.

Job-related stress: Our debate over Obamacare got so heated, the people at the table next to us asked to move to a quieter, less hostile location.

Other.

All of the above.