Worst. Turkey! Recipes!! EVER!!!

Posted by | November 27, 2014 10:43 | Filed under: News Behaving Badly Top Stories

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The good folks at The Blog Basket have found five guaranteed recipe turkeys (although The Doc freely admits he’d love to see the dee-luscious bacon-wrapped turkey seen here).

And those health-minded writers over at shape.com provide a list of the five worst turkey ingredients. It’s sensible advice, but The Doc isn’t going to do without the butter.

We add to the list this hilarious, if completely faux, recipe for “popcorn turkey,” courtesy of a Facebook friend who will maintain anonymity:

10-12 lb. Turkey
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.)
5 cups uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER ‘S LOW FAT)
Salt/pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Brush Turkey well with melted butter, salt, and pepper.
Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.
Listen for the popping sounds.
When the turkey’s butt blows the oven door open and flies across the room, it’s done.

As the French say, gone appétit!

Click here for reuse options!
Copyright 2014 Liberaland
By: dave-dr-gonzo

David Hirsch, a.k.a. Dave "Doctor" Gonzo*, is a renegade record producer, video producer, writer, reformed corporate shill, and still-registered lobbyist for non-one-percenter performing artists and musicians. He lives in a heavily fortified compound in one of Manhattan's less trendy neighborhoods.

* Hirsch is the third person to use the pseudonym, a not-so-veiled tribute to journalist and author Hunter S. Thompson, with the permission of his predecessors Gene Gaudette of American Politics Journal (currently webmaster and chief bottlewasher at Liberaland) and Stephen Meese at Smashmouth Politics.

22 responses to Worst. Turkey! Recipes!! EVER!!!

  1. Republicans_are_Evil November 27th, 2014 at 10:58

    I have a good way of using up every scrap of the turkey leftovers. After you have eaten the traditional day-after turkey sandwiches, separate the meat of the turkey from the bone and cartilage. break up the big chunks of meat so it is shredded, and split it up into smaller portions in zip close bags, and freeze them. Months later, take out a bag of shredded turkey meat, heat it up, mix it up with hot turkey gravy and serve it on a hamburger bun. It makes a sort of a turkey Sloppy Joe sandwich. They are delicious and nothing at all goes to waste.

    • M D Reese November 27th, 2014 at 13:37

      That way you don’t get sick of turkey, and it stays fresh. I do that all the time since I’m cooking for one–make a full size batch and then freeze some immediately.

  2. Republicans_are_Evil November 27th, 2014 at 11:58

    I have a good way of using up every scrap of the turkey leftovers. After you have eaten the traditional day-after turkey sandwiches, separate the meat of the turkey from the bone and cartilage. break up the big chunks of meat so it is shredded, and split it up into smaller portions in zip close bags, and freeze them. Months later, take out a bag of shredded turkey meat, heat it up, mix it up with hot turkey gravy and serve it on a hamburger bun. It makes a sort of a turkey Sloppy Joe sandwich. They are delicious and nothing at all goes to waste.

    • M D Reese November 27th, 2014 at 14:37

      That way you don’t get sick of turkey, and it stays fresh. I do that all the time since I’m cooking for one–make a full size batch and then freeze some immediately.

  3. Anomaly 100 November 27th, 2014 at 11:38

    Oooo bacon!

    • GreatLakeSailor November 27th, 2014 at 12:34

      Vitamin-B! A necessary and vital nutrient.

      • Anomaly 100 November 27th, 2014 at 13:41

        Vitamin-grease, yay!

        • rg9rts November 28th, 2014 at 06:34

          I did a venison roast on the barbeque that way …It wasn’t dry for a change

  4. Anomaly 100 November 27th, 2014 at 12:38

    Oooo bacon!

    • GreatLakeSailor November 27th, 2014 at 13:34

      Vitamin-B! A necessary and vital nutrient.

      • Anomaly 100 November 27th, 2014 at 14:41

        Vitamin-grease, yay!

        • rg9rts November 28th, 2014 at 07:34

          I did a venison roast on the barbeque that way …It wasn’t dry for a change

  5. M D Reese November 27th, 2014 at 13:36

    My favorite was this woman’s how-to tutorial. Bottom line–put the effing turkey in the oven!

    http://crooksandliars.com/2014/11/open-thread-just-put-fcking-turkey-oven

  6. M D Reese November 27th, 2014 at 14:36

    My favorite was this woman’s how-to tutorial. Bottom line–put the effing turkey in the oven!

    http://crooksandliars.com/2014/11/open-thread-just-put-fcking-turkey-oven

  7. rg9rts November 28th, 2014 at 06:40

    You KNOW that some idiot will try it…

  8. rg9rts November 28th, 2014 at 07:40

    You KNOW that some idiot will try it…

  9. tracey marie November 28th, 2014 at 08:01

    Ick, I never did like bacon

    • Stan Ubeki November 28th, 2014 at 12:15

      You are unfit to present yourself as human. Please turn in your human being card.

      • tracey marie November 28th, 2014 at 12:15

        lol, I take it you like bacon.

  10. tracey marie November 28th, 2014 at 09:01

    Ick, I never did like bacon

    • Stan Ubeki November 28th, 2014 at 13:15

      You are unfit to present yourself as human. Please turn in your human being card.

      • tracey marie November 28th, 2014 at 13:15

        lol, I take it you like bacon.

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