Joan Rivers: 10 Jokes About Celebs, Plastic Surgery, Herself

While Joan Rivers dished it out, she also could take it, as she was often the butt of her own jokes. Here are some of her recent ones, along with a video of an early appearance on “The Ed Sullivan Show.”

1.” I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian – and I stand by it: he’s the daughter Cher wishes she’d had.” (via The Hollywood Reporter)

2. “Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn’t. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm full of children. I think she got them at Costco.” (2012’s “I Hate Everyone … Starting With Me”)

3. “Most babies are not actually attractive … (They’re) kind of like Renee Zellweger pushed up against a glass window.” (2012’s “I Hate Everyone … Starting With Me”)

4. “He’s been in the closet so long, I’m going to take him to Goodwill.” Joan Rivers on Tom Cruise (from her 2012 stand-up act in Hollywood, Fla.)

5. “My mother is desperate for me to get married. Outside our house she put a sign: ‘Last girl before freeway.'” (Oft-repeated joke from early 1960s stand-up routine, quoted in “Make Em’ Laugh: The Funny Business of America”)

6. “Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?” (2010’s “Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work”)

7. “I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.” (via The Biography Channel)

8.”I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.” (The New York Times, 2008)

9. “Grandchildren can be so f—ing annoying. How many times can you go, ‘And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink’? It’s like talking to a supermodel.” (via Vanity Fair)
10. “I now consider it a good day when I don’t step on my boobs.” (Twitter, May 2013)

In a 1967 “Ed Sullivan Show” appearance, Rivers addressed the double standard facing single women.

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