SATIRE: CBS Taps Colbert To Replace Letterman, Limbaugh Bursts Into Flames

This could be the single event that our grandchildren — well, the privileged ones who know how to read and have access to e-books and such — will know as the straw that broke the left wing’s back.

No less of a historian than Rush Limbaugh declared on his radio program today that, “CBS has just declared war on the heartland of America.”

He’s not talking about some foreign nation. He’s not pontificating about some official lefty group funded by George Soros. He’s talking about the Columbia Broadcasting System. The Tiffany Network. The TV network that brought us Ed Sullivan.

And just how did CBS sneak a heartworm into the still-beating cardiac muscle of this once-vibrant nation?

“No longer is comedy going to be a covert assault on traditional American, conservative values,” Limbaugh said on his show. “Now it’s just right out in the open. This hire is a redefinition of what is funny, and a redefinition of what is comedy. They’re blowing up the 11:30 format under the guise that the world’s changing and people don’t want the kind of comedy that Carson gave us or even Letterman, they don’t want it anymore. It’s media planting a flag here, it’s I think maybe, media’s last stand, but it’s a declaration.”

It might be, maybe, it could be and probably is a declaration of war on all that is decent and good… and HOLY… about America!

All across the fruited plains, real Americans are rising up in outrage over the hiring of Comrade Steven Colbert to replace the man who insulted Sarah Palin, David Letterman.

OK, so that guy wasn’t outraged. But these commenters, who read the story mostly lifted in its entirety from Politico on the plagiarism-riddled Breitbart.com were sure ticked!

That’s right! America is not going to STAND for Barack Obama and Eric Holder (both of whom can accurately be described as “uppity”) shoving yet another Liberal Comedian down our throats. Already, the mockery has begun. See? “Jay8clay” (which might explain his conservativism if he ate it when it still contained lead) is ALREADY calling him “Stevie.” NO ONE can respect a late night show host named “Stevie.”

“Steverino,” as in Steve Allen? Maybe. But times have changed.

So, it is clear to all who have eyes to see what is happening. CBS, in a move designed to get “ratings” has hired this “pretend conservative” who has already stated he will drop the “pretend conservative” schtick he’s been doing on the Colbert Report on Comedy Central, and may… MAY… start pronouncing the “t” at the end of his name.

CBS has made this move as a direct slap in the face, poke in the eye and kick in the butt to the average, elderly, white conservative who “gets comedy” but doesn’t see what all the fuss is about over this Colbert fellow, including the large percentage of conservatives who think Colbert is a real conservative. America is not going to stand still for this effrontery. They could have given the job to Greg Gutfeld, host of host of Red Eye w/ Greg Gutfeld on Fox News. But CBS wanted someone people had heard of. They could have chosen Craig Ferguson, but he’s obviously a foreigner. And just because Dennis Miller was an abject failure on Monday Night Football doesn’t mean he would have failed as Letterman’s successor.

Colbert’s days are numbered. Not only is he going to lose his basic cable TV show, he’s going to enrage conservatives upfront and openly in his new format. He’s doomed… assuming any conservatives are still awake at 11:30pm Eastern to complain.

Thank goodness America won’t have to languish in a dark age bereft of hilarious conservative comedy.

There’s still Rush Limbaugh.

By: Bill Schmalfeldt

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