Squirrel Goes Gangsta In Iowa

You thought those tree-dwelling, acorn-chomping, furry-tailed little creatures were cute and lovable. Think again…

A strange case of vandalism was solved Thursday, when a squirrel was caught vandalizing a math professor’s bicycle at Iowa Lakes Community College.

The ravenous rodent chewed through two tires, a bicycle seat, a headlight and a taillight in incidents Wednesday and Thursday.

Assuming the crime had been perpetrated by a person, bike owner Matt Strom reported the peculiar damage to Estherville police on Thursday.

“There was no damage done to any metal,” said Strom, an associate professor of mathematics. “It was all soft materials like plastic and rubber.”

Shortly after the police left, aviation instructor Ron Duer spied a squirrel chewing on the seat of Strom’s bike. He took a photo of the animal chewing on a tire.

Upon learning the news, Strom described the culprit in an email to colleagues as “the meanest squirrel you have ever seen.” …

She said Iowa Lakes officials could try trapping the squirrel. The challenge would be finding the right one.

“I don’t know what you’d bait that trap with … a rubber ball?” Rarrat said.

By: dave-dr-gonzo

David Hirsch, a.k.a. Dave "Doctor" Gonzo*, is a renegade record producer, video producer, writer, reformed corporate shill, and still-registered lobbyist for non-one-percenter performing artists and musicians. He lives in a heavily fortified compound in one of Manhattan's less trendy neighborhoods.

* Hirsch is the third person to use the pseudonym, a not-so-veiled tribute to journalist and author Hunter S. Thompson, with the permission of his predecessors Gene Gaudette of American Politics Journal (currently webmaster and chief bottlewasher at Liberaland) and Stephen Meese at Smashmouth Politics.